a little closer.

Your face was so close to mine. I held you on my hip, just a kiss’s length away. Every photo of you felt zoomed in, your round little face taking much of the frame, your joyful existence and survival taking up the same amount of space in my mind. I was often your first thought in the morning, my name the first on your tongue. My arms, your safe place. 

When I take pictures of you now, you are busy being amazing and hilarious, and you stand farther away. Sometimes so far I have to zoom in to see your face, but I still remember every part of it with my eyes closed. And now I have to sneak my kisses in, make sure the coast is clear and all, or that you’ll be standing still next to me for at least three seconds. I still try to hold your hand every now and then, but not for too long because I don’t want you to EMBARASS ME UGHHHH.

You are really great at growing up, and I’m getting better at letting you. It’s still not easy though. It all felt so slow and exhausting for a handful of years, with your face by mine and your whole body on my hip. But man, you really picked up the pace - and I just adore you and delight in who you’ve become. I’m flabbergasted, and honored, that I get a front row seat to your becoming. Me and your Dad are really lucky that we get to be your parents, and I will treasure these days up in my heart as long as I can.

I only help cut up food for one of you guys now, and not for too much longer. You guys can generally stay alive, with your greatest threat at this point being the wrath of a sibling. Everyone wipes their own butts, brushes their own teeth, and pitches in with some kind of chores around the house. So the rumors were true - the baby season in fact did NOT last forever, and I DID actually sleep through the night again. Apart from the snoring, gassy dog that sleeps in my room now, totally peaceful.

So now we tip to the side of parenting where you get further away, little by little, the grand art of growing up. And I promise I’ll let go eventually, if you’ll just be patient with me. But we’ve got a handful of together years left where we all live under the same roof, so I’ll keep snapping pictures and sneaking kisses until I have to pass that off to you too. You three are my favorite kids in the whole world, and before you start sending me to voicemail, just remember how cool I was “back in the day” and maybe just answer the call instead, k? 

Oh and for the record,  I love you, no matter what. So there.